A Chicken Is Never A Chicken

It was one of those summer days in the Shire. The sun was shining brightly, giving life to all living and at least some warmth to all dead. -Watch out for the rooster!Birds were singing, foxes hunting and hobbits eating. Old Sally was out exploring as usual. In many ways a very normal day, a day that most people would call good.

However, Tilda was concerned. She wasn't very concerned, she's a hobbit after all, but definitely a bit. The dark forces in Middle Earth were getting stronger and the kin needed new recruits to keep them at bay. Recruitment was not going well today. None had been found in Bywater or Hobbiton and even the Bird and Baby Inn in Michel Delving had been seemingly empty of charmable drunkards.

-What to do? she asks herself loudly, adding a little sigh. -We didn't do anything, honest!Lost in thoughts she continues to wander around aimlessly through the beautiful landscape.

Suddenly a distant noise, sounding very much like a clucking choir, catches her attention. Looking up she sees a whole army of chickens running towards her. Soon she's all surrounded.

-Where did all of you come from? she asks in a tittering voice. The chickens run around her, jumping and clucking like mad. It almost looks like they really want her to follow them. Tilda scratches her head.

-Little ones, do you want something from me?

-Kill the boar!Those of you that don't know Tilda should know that she's a very considerate little hobbit, always helping out whenever she's able.

The cluckaphony gets so intense that Tilda has to cover her ears.

-Yes yes, all right, show me what you want but calm down! she giggles.

The chickens jump around happily and suddenly start running away with Tilda hurrying after them.

-They said it was a fountain of boars!After a few minutes they see a boar walking around eating some poor farmer's vegetables at a nearby field. The chickens take aim for him and charges. Not being the biggest boar Tilda has ever seen in her so far rather short hobbit life she still gets worried. It certainly is able to kill her new friends and that certainly isn't something she want to see happen.

-Careful there! That boar is dangerous! she yells while unsheating her daggers and running after them.

Chickens, normally being faster than hobbits, can reach an almost incredible speed when being scared or, as in this case, slightly aggrevated. Whatever these chickens had against this particular boar, or boars in general, we will never know, but that it was something serious was obvious.

-Not welcome inside? Discrimination, I say!The boar, completely confused by the surprising attack and still chewing enthusiastically on a carrot,, looks up at the charging chickens and grunts.


The moment after the chickens overwhelm him and start pecking his sensitive and quite well-tended skin. This is not a treatment any boar with a bit of pride is going to take and this boar is one of them.

GRUNT! he grunts and starts fighting back.

Being a quite young and unexperiernced boar the boar has no chance. The chickens, even though weaker than him, outnumber him 20 to 1 and their beaks bite hard. When he realizes this it's already too late.

-We're here to eat, not to be eaten!When Tilda reaches the fighting animals the battle is already over. The boar lies dead on the ground, still with the carrot in his mouth. Next to the body the chickens stand in an orderly line..

-Oh my! she gasps trying to catch her breath.

-You did that all by yourselves?

-Get some sleep, people. Chickens on guard! The chickens nods proudly and salutes in unison. An expression of realization appears over Tilda's cute little face.

-Ah! This was what you wanted to show me? That you can fight? Kill boars?!

The chickens nod intensly.

-YOU want to join The Grey Guard, a band of chickens? she asks surprisedly.

All the chickens do thumbs up and Tilda starts laughing.

-Ok, ok. Not exactly the kind of recruits I was looking for but you have won me over. You will now be known as The Grey Guard Chicken Squad of Death. Welcome to the kin!

And to this day the a band of chickens can be seen running around Middle Earth, killing boars...

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